Daisy I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico

Daisy: You know what I think humans should do? Make me emperor. 

Buster: Oh no. 

Daisy: Why not?

Buster: You’d make everything pink, you’d ban football, you’d …

Daisy: No I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want everyone to hate me, and everyone would. Well, not the smart people. 

Dad: OK, what’s your platform? What would you do if you were emperor? 

Daisy: If I were in Peru?

Buster: EMPEROR! Context clues, please!

Daisy: Oh, emperor. Um, I don’t know. I’d be nice to all the people. I’d, um … 

King: Why do you want to be emperor if you don’t know what you’d do if you were emperor?

Buster: This is why she shouldn’t be emperor.

6/1/15

Rage, rage ...

Dad's up early, watching TV. Buster emerges from sleep.

Buster: What are you watching?
Dad: Soccer.
Buster: Ugh. That just ... took the light out of my day.

3/1/15

War stories

Dad needs a subject for his next journalism blog post. Mom suggests he draw on his past for material. 

Mom: You can tell war stories from your days at the newspaper.

Buster: I've got some war stories. From second grade.

Battlefield photo, 11/9/10.

2/13/15

Photo time - March 2014

 On our way to Hawaii, March 29.

Dining beachside at Waikiki.

 Working hard, March 30.

 Waiting patiently to go to the pool, March 31.

 We got tickets to a luau for sitting through a time-share sales pitch. Buster is very excited!

Daisy figures, "There's dancing. I'm in."

 Django drinking beer at St. Mary's Park (trick glass), March 8.

Django, Elvis and Buster.

Selfie, March 8.

 Belated 11th birthday party at K-1 Speed, March 2. 

 Reasonable possibility that this is Buster.

On the medals stand: Justin, Luis, Oliver.

A Berkeley pelican, March 1.

Buster and woody, March 1.

The definition of insanity

Buster: I've asked you a question 20 times and you haven't answered. 

Dad: And now you're going to ask it again. 

Buster: Yes. What's for dinner?

Dad: And you think that this time, you're going to get an answer? 

Buster: Yes. 

Dad: Do you know what Albert Einstein's definition of insanity was? 

Buster: No. What's for dinner? 

Dad: Would you like to hear what Albert Einstein's definition of insanity was? 

Buster: No. 

Dad: Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is—

Buster: I don't care!

Dad: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

Buster: That's nice. What's for dinner? 

1/24/15

Photo time - February

Tough guy, Feb. 27

Red hair, Feb. 27

Freak! Feb. 16

With Grandma and Grandpa in front of San Francisco City Hall, Feb. 17

Photo time - January

 Cooking some eggs, Jan. 12

Dressed up for a tea party, Jan. 18 

Fierce, Jan. 25 

Birthday boy down on the drag, Jan. 29

Daisy and Daddy, Jan. 31 

These are the jokes, folks

Buster, Daisy and Dad have been telling jokes at dinner. Daisy likes to make up her own jokes. A sample: 

What did the steak say to the chicken? (I give up. What?) {Unintelligble fast talking} hola, hola, hola, hola!

Daisy: I have a joke! 

Dad: OK

Daisy: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? 

Buster: Your jokes.

4/24/14

Note: The actual punchline is "The Holocaust," though it's doubtful that's what Daisy was going to say.

How Buster learned about Lawn Darts

In a public restroom, Buster points to the automatic faucet, which turns the water on when it senses hands.

Buster: You know, this is the worst invention of all time.
Dad: Really? You think that's the worst invention ever?
Buster: Yes.
Dad: Oh, I can think of worse things.
Buster: I doubt it.

4/5/14

New guitar

2/8/14

Abe Lincoln's hat

Daisy: Dad. Who's your favorite president?

Dad: Abraham Lincoln. Who's yours? 

Daisy: Abe Lincoln. 

Dad: All right! 

Daisy: My life's dream is to wear his hat. 

Dad: I think I have a picture of you wearing his hat. 

Buster: Oh yeah! In the gift shop at Ford's Theater. 

Daisy: But that's not his real hat. 

Dad: Oh, you want to wear his actual hat? Like, we saw it in the Smithsonian? 

Daisy: Yeah. 

Dad: I think you need a new life's dream because I don't think they're gonna let you wear that one. 

Daisy: What if I got 90,000 dollars and bought it? 

Dad: I don't think the Smithsonian's in the business of selling stuff, and if they were I don't think that'd be enough.

Daisy: What if I got 5 billion dollars? 

Dad: I still don't think so, but if you got 5 billion dollars, that's what you'd spend it on? Buying Abe Lincoln's hat?

Daisy: Yes. 

Dad: I don't think that's a wise use of your fortune. 

Buster: Daisy, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my whole life. 

Daisy: I just really want that hat, Buster.

2/24/14
Photo 7/27/13

Happy Heaven or: Trouble with cursive

Buster: Can we get donuts?
Daisy: Ooh, can we go to Happy Heaven?
Dad: What's Happy Heaven?
Daisy: That place near your gym.
Mom: You mean Krispy Kreme?
Daisy: No, Happy Heaven.
Buster: Daisy, do you mean that place that's next to In-n-Out?
Daisy: Yeah!
Buster: That's Krispy Kreme.
Daisy: The sign says Happy Heaven.
Buster: Daisy, I guarantee: That place is called Krispy Kreme.
Daisy: Well, they should put it on the sign.

2/??/14

Absent-minded, or pointed, question

Buster has just cleverly answered a question Dad had posed.

Dad: Look at the big brain on Buster!
Daisy: What brain?

1/18/14
Photo 2/1/14

The end of a two-year era

Before:

 After:

1/20/14

Playin' it cool at Union Square

12/23/13

Thinking ahead

Buster and Daisy are with Dad at the bank. They're seated, waiting for someone. Buster is playing a game on Dad's phone. Dad notices the dirty front of his hoodie. 

Dad: Why did you let me leave the house looking like this? Look how dirty my jacket is. 

Daisy: I don't care what you look like. 

Dad: You're supposed to be taking care of me. You know, someday—

Daisy: I know. When you're 80. 

Buster: (Not looking up from his game) Dibs on not doing that.

11/27/13

Freaky Friday, the sequel

We watched the "Freaky Friday" remake recently. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan play a battling mother and daughter who magically switch bodies and have to live as each other. Lessons of empathy are learned.

We were all talking about it and joked about Buster and Dad switching identities like that. I grabbed Buster by the shoulders and shook the two of us, as though the transformation was happening. We kidded around as each other for about 30 seconds and then moved on. 

A while later, the "Freaky Friday" conversation having ended, I grabbed Daisy and fell onto the couch with her, squeezing her. She struggled to get away and I, holding her tight, pretended to be asleep. Daisy stopped struggling for a moment to consider my snoring. 

Daisy: OK, this one's definitely Dad. 

11/23/13

Buster analysis-izes the Sunday night game

Buster: Everybody's saying the Chiefs are so great, they're 9-0. They're going to beat the Broncos. Well listen. Look at their schedule. They've beaten a bunch of weak teams. Plus, Peyton Manning is way better than Alex Smith. 

Dad: Peyton Manning's better than everybody. That doesn't mean he wins every game. 

Buster: Shh! I'm analysis-ing.

11/17/13

Update: Buster was right. The Broncos won, and including that game, the Chiefs lost five of their last seven games.

Buster considers potential middle schools

[A certain school] looks good, but I think they focus a little too much on education.

11/2/13

Viewing habits explained

Dad: I'm going to watch this Civil War documentary.
Buster: Oh my God, how can you watch that? It's so boring.
Dad: [Haughtily] It's fascinating to me. I'm interested in my country's history.
Buster: It's not even a little bit interesting. It's so boring. I can't even watch it.
Dad: [Tenderly] That's because you're a moron.

10/6/13

Note to potential nannies and Child Protective Services: This may look harsh in text but in real life it was understood by all parties as a joke.