The very center of normality

Daisy: I think Elf is a little weird. I mean Buddy. 

Dad: I think he's pretty normal. He's a pretty normal guy. 

Daisy: No, he's weird.

Dad: Just like me. I'm a normal guy. 

Daisy: No, you're weird. 

Dad: Me?! I am the very center of normality. 

Daisy: What's normality? 

Dad: Think about normality. What do you think normality means?

Daisy: Normal.

Dad: That's right. The state of being normal. Like me.

Daisy: No, not like you. You're not normal. You're weird. 

Dad: Yeah, that's what Mom says. You guys are all wrong. Who's more normal than me? Name me one dad that you know that's more normal than me. 

Daisy: Chris. 

Dad: Who's Chris?

Daisy: M____'s dad. 

Dad: Oh, yeah. Well, he does seem pretty normal. But you don't know. You don't know him that well. You don't know what kind of weirdo he is when he's not around you. 

Daisy: But I do know what kind of weirdo YOU are!  

10/10/13

Blonder and blonder

Daisy: When are you going to go back to being a maroon?
Mom: What? I'm not a maroon.
Daisy: What's the word?
Mom: Do you mean brunette?
Daisy: Yeah!

12/16/13

Thinking ahead

Buster and Daisy are with Dad at the bank. They're seated, waiting for someone. Buster is playing a game on Dad's phone. Dad notices the dirty front of his hoodie. 

Dad: Why did you let me leave the house looking like this? Look how dirty my jacket is. 

Daisy: I don't care what you look like. 

Dad: You're supposed to be taking care of me. You know, someday—

Daisy: I know. When you're 80. 

Buster: (Not looking up from his game) Dibs on not doing that.

11/27/13

Freaky Friday, the sequel

We watched the "Freaky Friday" remake recently. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan play a battling mother and daughter who magically switch bodies and have to live as each other. Lessons of empathy are learned.

We were all talking about it and joked about Buster and Dad switching identities like that. I grabbed Buster by the shoulders and shook the two of us, as though the transformation was happening. We kidded around as each other for about 30 seconds and then moved on. 

A while later, the "Freaky Friday" conversation having ended, I grabbed Daisy and fell onto the couch with her, squeezing her. She struggled to get away and I, holding her tight, pretended to be asleep. Daisy stopped struggling for a moment to consider my snoring. 

Daisy: OK, this one's definitely Dad. 

11/23/13

Buster analysis-izes the Sunday night game

Buster: Everybody's saying the Chiefs are so great, they're 9-0. They're going to beat the Broncos. Well listen. Look at their schedule. They've beaten a bunch of weak teams. Plus, Peyton Manning is way better than Alex Smith. 

Dad: Peyton Manning's better than everybody. That doesn't mean he wins every game. 

Buster: Shh! I'm analysis-ing.

11/17/13

Update: Buster was right. The Broncos won, and including that game, the Chiefs lost five of their last seven games.

Buster considers potential middle schools

[A certain school] looks good, but I think they focus a little too much on education.

11/2/13

Viewing habits explained

Dad: I'm going to watch this Civil War documentary.
Buster: Oh my God, how can you watch that? It's so boring.
Dad: [Haughtily] It's fascinating to me. I'm interested in my country's history.
Buster: It's not even a little bit interesting. It's so boring. I can't even watch it.
Dad: [Tenderly] That's because you're a moron.

10/6/13

Note to potential nannies and Child Protective Services: This may look harsh in text but in real life it was understood by all parties as a joke. 

Dad pays for some bragging and a poorly chosen metaphor

Dad: I don't look so bad. I'm 50 years old, man. I mean, imagine if you left a piece of cheese out on the counter for just a couple of days. It wouldn't look too good would it? I've been running around for 50 years! 

Daisy: The cheese would probably look better.

9/29/13

A brother-sister relationship, in one image

Cereal boxes carefully arranged so they can't see each other.

9/6/13

I do NOT want this to be educational

—Buster, on walking in to the Smithsonian National Museum of American History

7/25/13

I'm gonna file this away for when I need it

At the Smithsonian, Dad is in the middle of explaining something to Daisy about the Revolutionary War:

Dad: They [the British] were the most powerful country in the world back then, like we are now.
Daisy: We're the most powerful country in the world?
Dad: Yes.
Daisy: [To herself] Good to know.

7/26/13

What's he famous for?

Iris: Can you name the living presidents?
Daisy: Kennedy?
Buster: Kennedy!?! He's known for being dead!

7/25/13

Oldest trick in the book

Wednesday

Daisy: I can't believe you don't like Nutella. Well, I can believe it, because you don't like anything I like.
Dad: I don't like anything you like? Nothing? There must be something we both like.
Daisy: Daddy, when someone says everything, they don't literally mean everything.
Dad: They don't?
Daisy: No. "Oldest trick in the book"? There's no book!

Thursday

Daisy: See? You don't like anything I like.
Dad: I don't like anything you like?
Daisy: It's an expression, dingdong!

7/24-25/13

Tough room

On the All-Star Game telecast, Fox shows a clip of Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips making this ridiculous double-play. Announcer Tim McCarver, says "Tell me you've seen a better double-play. Ever!"

Buster: Well ... I did make a better one in practice.
Dad: [Laughs]
Buster: No, seriously.

7/16/13

Thank you for not farting

Dad has farted

Mom: Ooh, Daddy, that was stinky. 
Dad: Well, I just ate a burrito. [To Daisy] When you don't fart, nobody ever says "Hey, thanks for not farting." Am I right or am I right? 
Mom: Maybe they're thinking it. 
Dad: They ought to say it. 
Daisy: I'm thinking it. 
Dad: Well, you need to think it louder. 
Daisy: I'm not thinking it about you, Daddy.

3/14/13

Giants game

Something wrong with that kid on the right.

That's better.

5/30/12

Back cover photo

of the difficult and moody third album.

5/28/12

New hammock stand

5/28/12

Dolores Park

5/27/12

Clementine's birthday party

Piñata

5/26/12

Thrift shopping

Rock star. Didn't buy the guitar.

Did buy the helmet. And got burgers. And ...

asparagus?

5/12/12

In the batting cage at the A's game

 Hitting off her front foot. Like Hank Aaron.

Pitching machine is intimidated.

5/12/12

Christmas in July ... and March

Daisy: I wish there was Christmas every month. 

Buster: No you don't.
Daisy: Why not?
Buster: Haven't you ever seen any movies?

3/9/13

Dad takes a nap in Daisy's bed

I took a nap in your bed today. Is that OK? 
Did you pee?
Did I pee? No, I didn't pee. Why, is the bed wet? 
No.
I'm not a bed-wetter. 
You used to be.
Well, everybody used to be. I don't think I've wet the bed since I was 3 or 4 years old. So that was, like, 1966. 
That was 3,000 years ago!

1/22/13