Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash

Actually, they're Groucho glasses. The mustache is obscured because of Mom's shirt in the background. But you know who he looks like? Paul from "The Wonder Years." (1/15)

Three!

The birthday boy.

Amy holds her cousin Daisy.

Jackson's already made his crown.

Julia takes the full measure of a bagel.

Meanwhile, unknown to most party-goers, there's a football game going on outside, which is to say that Patrick and Jack are holding a football while wrestling. Which is to say they're playing a Big Ten game, circa 1975. But never mind that, it's time for everyone to go outside for the piñata. First, King explains the rules.

The rules:
1. Everyone takes turns hitting the piñata with the baseball bat till it breaks open, then everyone dives in to pick up candy.
2. Don't hit King with the baseball bat.
3. Everybody gets three whacks.
4. Don't whack King.
5. Birthday boy first, then youngest to oldest, best as King can figure.
6. As Patrick points out, if King gets hit, candy doesn't come out. This is the best reason yet not to hit King.
7. Bigger kids, let the little kids get some candy when the piñata breaks open.
8. Nobody gets any candy if King gets hit with the baseball bat.

First up, Buster, who was given this piñata on the occasion of his birth by Steve Smith, who has since gone on to become a legend. The Crowned Clouter gives it a good try, but Godzilla survives.

A.J. takes a whack.

Van sneaks up.

Talia. And this is a good time to mention that the piñata is being held up by a hockey stick, making this a full-on NAFTA birthday party.

Good try, Jackson. Wearing the heck out of that crown, too.

Matthew's a real baseball player, so he taps home plate before swinging.

Look at that excellent form! It's hard to hold a hockey stick with a full piñata on the end of it. Nice swing too.

On Julia's turn, Godzilla's all "Gimme that bat." Did I mention the hockey stick is an autographed Keith Tkachuk model? Won accidentally in a raffle.

Corrine gets it back for her sister, and gives the lizard what for. But still no candy.

Aidan swings.

And misses!

Amy smiles, but smiles don't feed the sweet tooth. Well, not for the kids anyway.

Now for the big kids. Patrick aims where the sun don't shine, but still no luck.

There was ease in Jacob's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Jacob's bearing and a smile lit Jacob's face.

Oh! The Nuschler face!

Foul tip on a high one, but then one more swing and ...

BWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Candy!!!

So. Anybody want lunch? Hey, kids? That's pizza in front of you. You want to eat it? Hello?

Or, you know, sure. The candy looks good on you too.

Ah, here's a happy customer. But not as happy as when it's time for ...

Cake!

But there comes a time at every party when it's all over. The music has stopped and the guests have gone home. You're dazed, exhausted, you have a permanent chocolate mustache and for some reason you're wearing your cousin's hat. But even at times like that, it's important to remember one thing, whether you're 3 or 103.

The big boys know how to dig down deep. And what they find when they do that is enough energy to accompany themselves on "Jingle Bells" multiple times with their new drum. And if you can't remember that, at least remember this. Throwing a third birthday party doesn't have to be a big deal. Just invite some friends, play some games, have some food, relax and have a good time. There's no reason to lose your head over the whole thing.

Unless you're this guy. (1/29)

Most photos by Uncle Rob