Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash

Actually, they're Groucho glasses. The mustache is obscured because of Mom's shirt in the background. But you know who he looks like? Paul from "The Wonder Years." (1/15)

Three!

The birthday boy.

Amy holds her cousin Daisy.

Jackson's already made his crown.

Julia takes the full measure of a bagel.

Meanwhile, unknown to most party-goers, there's a football game going on outside, which is to say that Patrick and Jack are holding a football while wrestling. Which is to say they're playing a Big Ten game, circa 1975. But never mind that, it's time for everyone to go outside for the piñata. First, King explains the rules.

The rules:
1. Everyone takes turns hitting the piñata with the baseball bat till it breaks open, then everyone dives in to pick up candy.
2. Don't hit King with the baseball bat.
3. Everybody gets three whacks.
4. Don't whack King.
5. Birthday boy first, then youngest to oldest, best as King can figure.
6. As Patrick points out, if King gets hit, candy doesn't come out. This is the best reason yet not to hit King.
7. Bigger kids, let the little kids get some candy when the piñata breaks open.
8. Nobody gets any candy if King gets hit with the baseball bat.

First up, Buster, who was given this piñata on the occasion of his birth by Steve Smith, who has since gone on to become a legend. The Crowned Clouter gives it a good try, but Godzilla survives.

A.J. takes a whack.

Van sneaks up.

Talia. And this is a good time to mention that the piñata is being held up by a hockey stick, making this a full-on NAFTA birthday party.

Good try, Jackson. Wearing the heck out of that crown, too.

Matthew's a real baseball player, so he taps home plate before swinging.

Look at that excellent form! It's hard to hold a hockey stick with a full piñata on the end of it. Nice swing too.

On Julia's turn, Godzilla's all "Gimme that bat." Did I mention the hockey stick is an autographed Keith Tkachuk model? Won accidentally in a raffle.

Corrine gets it back for her sister, and gives the lizard what for. But still no candy.

Aidan swings.

And misses!

Amy smiles, but smiles don't feed the sweet tooth. Well, not for the kids anyway.

Now for the big kids. Patrick aims where the sun don't shine, but still no luck.

There was ease in Jacob's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Jacob's bearing and a smile lit Jacob's face.

Oh! The Nuschler face!

Foul tip on a high one, but then one more swing and ...

BWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Candy!!!

So. Anybody want lunch? Hey, kids? That's pizza in front of you. You want to eat it? Hello?

Or, you know, sure. The candy looks good on you too.

Ah, here's a happy customer. But not as happy as when it's time for ...

Cake!

But there comes a time at every party when it's all over. The music has stopped and the guests have gone home. You're dazed, exhausted, you have a permanent chocolate mustache and for some reason you're wearing your cousin's hat. But even at times like that, it's important to remember one thing, whether you're 3 or 103.

The big boys know how to dig down deep. And what they find when they do that is enough energy to accompany themselves on "Jingle Bells" multiple times with their new drum. And if you can't remember that, at least remember this. Throwing a third birthday party doesn't have to be a big deal. Just invite some friends, play some games, have some food, relax and have a good time. There's no reason to lose your head over the whole thing.

Unless you're this guy. (1/29)

Most photos by Uncle Rob

New for Season 5

Jack Bauer's new partner, Agent Daisy (1/6)

Surveillance photo by Agent Caitlin

Who you lookin' at?

Eyes in the back of his ... (1/7)

Old McDonald

Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a Daisy, E-I-E-I-O
With a "uhh" here and a "uhh" there
Here, there, everywhere a "uhh"
Old McDonald had a Daisy, E-I-E-I-O

Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a Dad, E-I-E-I-O
With an "I love you" and an "I love you, son"
Here and there an "I love you"
Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a Mom, E-I-E-I-O
With an "I love you" and an "I love you"
Here , there, everywhere
Old McDonald had a farm
Eee, eye, eeeee, eyyyyyye, ohhhhhhhhh.

Did you like that song Daisy? Yes, I did.

Daddy, Daisy said, "I did." (1/8)

Hey!

I see our sattadish light. (1/8)

I want to hold Daisy

Why don't you sing her a song?
A-B-C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-LMNOP, Q-R-S, T-U-V
W-X Y and Z
Now my know my A-B-Cs, next time won't you sing with me

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
Eyes and ears and mouth and [click!] nose
Head, shoulders, knees and toes (1/7)

Brotherly love

I want Daisy locked in a cage.
Locked in a cage?
Yeah.
Why?
Because that's how she goes.
No it isn't.
Yes it is.
No it isn't.
Yes it is. Hey, Daisy. Are you hungry? (1/6)

Milk

Hey tomorrow we're going to go to a farm and I'm going to say to the cow, "Thank you cow for giving me milk at my house." (1/3)

Muppet movie on

(1/1)

Chanukah

My son the scholar. (1/1)

Two old conversations

for which no photos were appropriate.

1. Are you reading the newspaper?
I'm done.
You're already done? What'd it say.
[Reading] I have to wait ... for Mommy to finish pumping ... and then I'm gonna make ... blueberry muffins ... with her ... Cal Buster Paris-Kaufman.

2. What were you doing, Daddy?
I was just talking to Jack.
Jack the neighbor?
Yeah. He's our next-door neighbor. He's a very nice man.
He's a man and also he's a boy.
Well, he's a grown-up boy, so he's a man. He's a grandpa. You don't get to be a grandpa if you're still a boy.
Yeah, and also, I'm a grandpa. No, actually, I'm a daddy.
Whose daddy are you?
I'm your daddy, and also I'm Teddy Bear's daddy.
Oh, that's right. You're probably Snip's daddy too.
Yeah.
What do daddies do? What do you have to do for your kids when you're a daddy?
Love them.

Note: [sniff!]

Dahdl-ahdl-ahdl-ah, dahdl-ahdl-ahdl-ah

Oh, hi. Hi, Thomas. Hi you doing? Are you doing good?

Sh! Daisy. I'm talking on the phone.

Uh ... Yeah uh-huh yes, um, yes uh-huh yes, uhhhh. What? Hang on.

I'M TALKING -- ON -- THE -- PHONE, DAISY! SH!

Hi. Uh-huh. OK, I'll talk to you later. Bye. (1/1)

Note: The headline, in falsetto, is the sound of the phone ringing, which it does constantly. We don't know who Thomas is, but we're thinking we may have to get restraining orders to keep Grandmas Lois and Ann from calling so much.

We're all reaching

for something. (1/1)

What a team

(12/30)

Tactile

(12/30)

Christmas

Buster and Deppard take a break from the frenzy and enjoy some M&Ms.


Mom got boots.


Aftermath (12/25)

Christmas Eve

at the Derschmukes'. Patrick shows Buster his new train. See that thing over there? That'd be the train.


Daisy's new hat


Top of the hat (12/24)